Wake up call

Gab drew this beautiful perceptive picture recently. As much as I felt it was so artistically drawn and colored, my faint heart sank. I hid my burning tears on our way home. It speaks volume. I feel 'ashamed' to even share.... 

I hated myself since my two younger kids started the so called formal schooling. I'm always behind,  late for most academic activities from

Spelling, homework,  revision, classes.... With my firstborn , It seems all well and easy. But with three kiddos in this academic race dynamic, things changed dramatically. 

Somehow everyday has been such a real struggle and pain. I start to give up play time and turn into a tigress mum to regain 'control'.  I hate this tigerish behaviour in me especially during the revision time when they challenge my boundaries and schedules.  

So beginning of the year, I was very depressed and fearful. I hated this vicious cycle of anger and control I had last year..... And last December holidays helped me to escape from that ugly obnoxious behaviour. I was back to that fun loving, creative, energetic and positive mum. Then the nightmare starts when school reopens and fear escalates when tests draw near.  

This drawing simply affirms how my son feels.... It affects him, it disturbs him, it scares him...... It should be a loud wake up call for me...I need to stop this vicious anger cycle.  A picture speaks a thousand words. It definitely makes me feel like a lousy mum..... It hurts so much because I started this mummy journey with so much love and joy. Lord, help me to parent with YOUR love, joy and wisdom!